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Honestly, what's the point? Of a blog that is.  To rant and rave about general happenings, to glisten with anticipation and then impending misery as football begins again? Or simply the medium by which an individual sits on their laptop at 3.01am to dictate a prose that is never to be read.  An individual muse that is so focused on the various thoughts and wondering of a walk home after £35 worth of alcohol, that it will probably not exist beyond the sobered up consideration of the next day.

But then again, who's going to read it?  So it is merely no more than a medium to which to vent through in as delectable a manner as possible.

You spend a night with people with prospects.  With people who have something to work for.  Something to go home too.  And something to aim upon.

Whether that be a graduate scheme in the big smoke come September... or a beautiful and lovely girl to lean and rely upon... a well paid placement year... a year in one of the continents premier cities... an impending round the world trip... a reliable and testing job... a relationship of 4 years.

All that.

Then the focus draws upon myself.  Seemingly inevitable job responses that dictate that whilst your application really was top notch, a CV to be proud of yada yada yada... but unfortunately we have decided to go with someone else.  No negative feedback.  Nothing.  Just a tone and decision that is insanely detectable from the very first syllable of the conversation.  What would be better?  Well something to pinpoint and work on, for starters.  I for one couldn't care less if you think I'll have 'no trouble in getting a job.'  You try motivating yourself to write endless letters pleading for half a chance to prove myself with organisations who couldn't care less.  Answering inevitable questions about a time when you have had to deal with a problem... an example of something you are proud of... an endless and monotone plead as to why ones skills match the ever shit criteria.
 
Genuinely, what are you supposed to do?

This of course acts as the foundations of existence, whilst things and people you used to rely upon become ever more frayed.

I hate change.  And I hate losing people who I once considered to be the pillars that held me up.  For whatever reason... be that a boyfriend who isn't right for you, or a job that simply takes greater preference.  Honestly, what can you do?  The answer is nothing.  You do the very best you can, and hope that one day that is rewarded.  A faith perhaps, for even the most nonreligious of people... a belief that everything will one day be alright, a belief that everything happens for a reason... even the unexplainable shit that explodes out of nowhere with the greatest and most indescribable feeling of force and destruction.

So again I ask, what can you do?

Nothing.

Nothing but giving you're all and believing that you are doing so for a reason.

There are so many people, places and things I miss.  People, places and things I would literally give everything to be with or have.  But things aren't that easy.  Instead, an early morning vent on here will have to do.  It's funny in a way, I have written this with very little expectation of anyone ever reading it.  I will not tweet a link, or promote this in any way.  I just need it said.  I need it out of my mind, at least for the night, and to wake up tomorrow slightly less weighed down with the complete rubbish that is.

Good night.

Burning streets

What a massive bunch of tossers.  Really, whats the point?  As one of the journalists on twitter referred to it, the "underclass" - those so deep at the bottom of society that they act in such a way.

When you get some CNN reporter walking through London streets in full on warzone gear, it says something.  This isn't Baghdad or Tripoli... it's London.  Get a life and stop embarrassing yourself, your family and your country.  In a city that is supposed to be hosting the Olympics in less than a year, it really doesn't send out the best message.

Sick to the teeth of some idiots on Sky pontificating about the Police not doing enough, blah blah blah.  Ever considered that the Police are damned if they do, damned if they don't?  Never mind the fact that they are acting on orders from the Government.  Giving the Police shit about "not doing their job properly" is out of order.  Seeing some poor bloke get smashed in the face with a brick earlier and to be considered not doing their job properly is a joke.

What are they supposed to do? Start fighting back rather than attempting to contain? OK then, and then watch the complaints of Police brutality roll in... swiftly forgetting about the scumbags who have literally set alight the capital.  In my eyes, if you act like a twat and destroy cars, buildings, etc... you lose your rights to be treated.  The Police should be perfectly within their rights to go in and destroy these shitbags.  They'll soon get the picture and scarper off home.  Imagine this happening in America?  Nah, me neither.  But it all boils down to the fact that the Police are completely hamstrung.  They can't do a thing.

Urgh, rant over.

Hope you all enjoy your loot, and I look forward to your faces being plastered over the media.

Rubbish

Ever get the feeling you're absolutely fucked and can do nothing to change that? I have right now.

As my one or two readers will know, I took out a Career Development Loan last year to pay for my postgraduate course at Uni.  I'd accepted this was the only way to afford such a course, and planned to follow the advice of one of those money saving adviser sites... do this, do that... then pay off your extortionate interest rate CDL loan with a personal loan with more manageable payments.

Good plan.

Or so I thought.

Turns out that despite hopefully being in full time work by September (the actual end of my course), I can't get any loan of any sort.  I was probably naive to believe I could, but I suppose following the advice of a renowned financial adviser to the word has cost me.

It was also nice of Sainsburys to not inform me of my application being rejected, rather relying on me getting in contact with them.  Impressive customer service.

So, what next? Not a lot I can do really bar up the job seeking ante, and hope something comes to fruition soon. In the mean time, I'll be paying £320 a month in repayments to the existing loan from the 10th next week, and facing a horrible early payment fine whenever I do get a job/can get a proper loan.

Not much fun.  And not a great state of mind to find myself in either.